Missing The Foo Fighters (And A Thank You To Taylor For The Music)
Samantha Colleran, September 2022
Note: I wrote this in July on the day I was meant to see the Foo Fighters on their world tour. For obvious reasons, the show was canceled. I wrote this to get my emotions out and shared it on an Instagram Live where only a few people heard my words. I thought about publishing it after the Live, but didn’t have it in me to do so at the time. Following the two tribute shows in London and LA this month, I decided to put my ramblings out into the world for anyone who loves the Foo Fighters and wanted to be reminded of the magic their live shows bring into the world. Long live Taylor Hawkins, long live the Foo Fighters, and thank you to those who read this entire post.
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Today was supposed to be the day I had been waiting months for, I was finally going to experience half of my big Christmas present. My family and I were going to make the grand return to Citi Field to see the Foo Fighters seven years and two days since we last saw them at the same venue. We would be in different seats than that first time, but we were ready to bring the same energy we had seven years and two days prior, maybe even more because we hadn’t seen them since July 14, 2018. It was perfectly planned; my parents, brother, and I would go on our family vacation for mine and my brother’s 21st birthday, come back on my mom’s birthday, then wake up the next day and prepare to see our band.
I had this vision in my head where I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep the night before the show, my mind racing with excitement and my body physically unable to handle that excitement as I tried to force myself to sleep, even for a few hours. I would wake up with a rush of adrenaline coursing through my body, get ready way too early, then sit in my parents room and ask them every few minutes when they thought we would hit the road. I imagined asking my parents if I could hook my phone up to the AUX in my mom’s car and queue up our favorite Foos songs to get everyone excited for the night. Like the last time we saw them at Citi Field, I pictured my mom handing us all little sandwiches she packed to tide us over as we tailgated and shared our love of the Foo Fighters with fellow concert goers. And this time, I had a drink in my hand and my brother and I would have a secret little cheers to our first legal concert.
I imagined taking in the opening act and enjoying their music, while impatiently waiting for the Foo Fighters to take the stage. The curtains would fly up, or the band would simply run out on stage, Dave would ask if we were ready to rock, and for those two hours or so, it would be the Foos and 80,000 people singing their songs and cheering them on. I would scream, sing, cry, and the second the house lights turned back on I would force myself to follow the masses of people out of the venue with tears still running down my cheeks and a massive smile painted on my face. I’d immediately begin crafting a post in my mind to share such a beautiful night with all of you through a jumble of words that did nothing but praise a band I’ve loved for so many years.
March 25, 2022 changed the trajectory of that plan with the untimely death of Taylor Hawkins, and the wound still feels as fresh as it did the night I found out. I will never forget the sinking feeling I had in my chest the second I read the news; I knew in that very moment the Foos would inevitably cancel their tour, and I wasn’t ready to face the music just yet. I still haven’t deleted the event from my phone’s countdown app. I know it sounds silly, but in my mind if I kept it I would still be able to trick myself into thinking the concert was still happening. Instead, I’m sitting here, thinking of what could have been and missing Taylor.
There are a lot of special things about seeing the Foo Fighters live. The most obvious is how incredibly talented each member is, the way they carry their own and truly bring every song to life is fascinating to watch and listen to in person. Rami on keys, Nate on bass, Chris and Pat on guitar, Taylor behind his drums, and of course Dave fronting the band with his iconic guitar in hand and gravelly voice ready to wow me once again. You’ll feel every strum of the guitar and bass rattle your bones, every keyboard key float through your mind, every strike of the drumkit run through your bloodstream and shake the floor you stand on. The lyrics will fill your ears and you’ll find it hard to keep your lips from forming the same words and singing them back in a chorus of thousands of people.
Another aspect of Foos shows that make getting to witness one so special is the common love they all have for one another. Every few songs you’ll hear someone saying “I love this guy, he’s the best!” Of course, this happened mostly between Taylor and Dave, the closest bond in the band. They always praised each other for being the best and most talented at what they do, how they carry the band in new directions, and overall feelings of love and admiration for one another. I’m honored to have seen that love poured out on stage in real time, and it hurts to know I won’t ever get to see that again. It hurts even more to know the next time Dave graces the stage with the Foos and he turns to look over at the drumkit to give a nod of encouragement or a smile, it won’t be Taylor to return the action.
Of course all of their songs are great, there isn’t a moment at a Foo Fighters show where I’m not jumping around or belting my heart out. However, one of the most fascinating moments of the night was when Taylor jumped out from behind the drums and delivered an incredible cover of a Queen song with Dave taking a seat behind the drums. When I saw the Foos in 2018, it was “Under Pressure” and Freddie’s Live Aid vocals. His final cover in 2022 was “Somebody To Love”. Belting his heart out in a beautiful tribute to one of the greatest voices of rock, you see Taylor in a new light; he’s no longer just the drummer of the Foo Fighters, he’s a talented singer who has the ability to hold an audience in the palm of his hand. I will never forget witnessing that live; I adore Queen and will always be sad I wasn’t alive to see Freddie Mercury, but I’m glad I got to feel that magic through Taylor and the Foos cover for a few minutes in time.
I’m thinking of everything today was supposed to be. I’m thinking of the Foo Fighters, Taylor’s family, and the Foos crew who truly knew Taylor and are still mourning his loss. I’m thinking of how lucky I am to have seen them twice, but am feeling sad to think the third time wasn’t the charm in this instance. Although my heart is heavy, I do feel slightly better knowing I get to sit with my parents, listen to some Foo Fighters, and reminisce about the times we have been lucky enough to see them live. And if I shed a few tears throughout the day, I know I’ll have the comfort of the people who share the love of the Foo Fighters with me to dry my tears.
Time heals certain wounds and losses. I know time won’t heal this particular loss, rather, it’ll leave a scar, a reminder of Taylor’s impact on music and the lives of millions of people who adored him, and today that scar feels a little more prominent. I’m grateful to have experienced the charm and talent these incredible men bring to the stage, and I hope to see it again someday soon. Taylor, today I’m raising my glass to you. Wherever you are, I hope you’re banging away at your drums with that goofy yet incredibly beautiful drum playing grin you always donned behind that kit. Thank you for the memories, we still love you.