“So I” Is One Of The Most Important Songs Ever

Posted On February 6, 2025

Samantha Colleran, February 2025

I’ve been keeping continuous notes on what I’ve been feeling since Granny’s loss, afraid to really share the sadder parts of it because, well, who wants to be sad? It was and will forever be a major part of my life, and really kept me from writing or feeling inspired. I’ve decided that even if no one reads my ramblings, I want to get them out on here, because ultimately it is my blog and I can do whatever I want with it. When Charli XCX released brat and it’s completely different but also still brat, I was really excited to see what she was going to do with “So I”, as it’s one of my favorite songs. I wrote this in October, and the thoughts I had still ring true now. Forgive the lack of capitalization and correct punctuation. Also, brat is a Grammy winning album as of Sunday, so it feels even more perfect to talk about what “So I” means to me!

i just want to say a really major thank you to charli xcx for talking about the grief of losing someone you love so dearly. on brat, charli’s track “so i” is dedicated to the late producer, sophie, an innovative mind and close collaborator/friend of charli’s. when brat was first released, granny was in the hospital for compression fractures that after years of persisting had finally hurt her so bad she wanted help, and if you knew granny you know doctors were an absolute last resort for her. i had no idea if she was coming home, but what i did know was that she was slipping away faster than i thought she ever would, and grappling with the thought of losing someone so important to my life wasn’t easy. naturally, i gravitated toward the track.

on the original version of “so i”, the production is softer, slower, expressing the deep feelings of grief; constantly thinking of the person you lost, the energy they brought into your life, regrets about not spending more time with them. “so i” was an immediate standout to me on the album; the way charli sings about sophie’s impact on her life really resonated at the particular context in which i first heard it, and although granny wasn’t an icon in the music industry, her star burned bright in other ways. she wasn’t always the best at explaining her emotions, but she pushed the people she loved to be better, to do better, to strive for greatness. despite facing so many obstacles through her life, she continued to persevere and be the best granny she could possibly be for the almost 23 years i had her in my life. she’s forever a hero to me for carrying on despite such heavy loss. no matter how many times i listen to it, i’m weighed down by emotions.

i still feel a lot of sadness surrounding granny’s decline and her passing, but i’ve been trying very hard to think about all the good times. enter the remix of “so i” with a.g. cook, which actually came out six days after my family hosted a memorial for granny. it was a time where i was surrounded by family and close friends, sharing beautiful memories of granny and remembering her for who she was; independent, fierce, stubborn, beautiful, loving, witty, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a granny. the remix of “so i” is faster, upbeat, incorporating elements of the hyperpop genre sophie was an innovator in, and celebrates the good memories charli has of her time with sophie, from the first time charli heard her music to being able to create impactful, timeless music as a duo. although losing granny still feels so new despite it being seven months, i think i needed the remix as a reminder that time will make it easier to celebrate granny’s life rather than mourn her struggles and loss. there are plenty of times i cry when i think of her, which unlike sophie, i know granny would hate, but doing life without her is still very strange. so, i cry.

there are a lot of songs about loss and grief that i’ve turned to in moments where i need a reminder i’m not alone in my feelings, but never have the same artists reworked those sad songs into something more celebratory. i just want to thank charli for showing two sides of the same coin; sadness about losing someone, and happiness thinking of the impact they made on your life.